My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have feelings that need drinking.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
