I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
