Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm too high and old for this...
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
