did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
