The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
