The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
organizing the empties. That sober.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
