That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
