hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
