know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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