Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
