You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
