i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you didnt know i had herpes?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
