the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
