6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
