i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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