he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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