So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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