dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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