Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
