And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
