If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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