I'm passing your future prison.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
