Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
