i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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