I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
