There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's blow job season.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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