The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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