look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
