My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
