and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
