u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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