I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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