Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
