no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Randomize
