nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
