He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
