just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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