My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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