Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
