You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
