dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
