Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's the barista slut.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
