He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
