I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
