i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
