Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Everything about him screamed your future.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
