WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
