My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
