I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
