so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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