I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
