Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
