i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
