Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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